It might be time for a midlife reset if you've been feeling stuck, lost or restless lately. Midlife can feel like standing at a crossroads—with more questions than answers and a quiet fear of what’s next.
The kids are growing up and need less of your attention. The days feel emptier, but your head won’t stop spinning. And when you think about the future… You feel uncertain, even scared.
Maybe there’s a belief deep down that whispers:
- “It’s too late to start anything.”
- “I’m not young/smart enough.”
- “I’m just a mom. What can I do?”
Let me gently challenge that belief: This is not the end. This is where you reset yourself to thrive.
You are not lost—you’re in a transition. And it’s okay to feel unsure right now. But don’t let fear trap you in that cage.
You’ve spent years showing up for everyone else. Now it’s your turn. Time to get back in the driver’s seat, reclaim your voice, and rediscover who you truly are. This isn’t about just feeling needed—it’s about feeling alive, lit up, and fully in charge of your next chapter.
In this article, I’ll guide you through 3 powerful steps to help you reset yourself in midlife: Learn, Unlearn, and Relearn.
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Step 1: Learn where you are
Before we begin, think about the last time you intentionally learned about yourself. Your answer may be “I don’t remember.” That’s totally normal.
The reason you’re here reading this? You’re feeling friction in your life. Let’s get curious and dig deeper to learn what’s underneath it and discover the root cause.
Most often, it’s the limiting beliefs inherited from role models—especially from our mothers or other female figures. The culture we grew up in also plays a big part in shaping our belief systems.
We tend to think, speak, and act on autopilot—especially when our subconscious mind is in control. So we need to reset those limiting beliefs by asking a powerful question: “Why?”
Examples of "Why" questions
At age 48, I had a deep fear of going gray. I hid behind hair dye, worried about being judged. One day I asked myself these questions:
- “Why am I scared of going gray?”
→ Because gray hair means old and unattractive. - “Why do I care so much about how others see me?”
→ Because I want to be liked and fit in. My parents cared about meeting societal expectations. - “Why do I color my gray hair to look young?”
→ Because my mom, aunts, and adults around me did it - as if it were a requirement.
Can you see how my subconscious kept me stuck?
Here’s the critical question: “Is that true?”
Once you start asking “why,” you open the door to Step 2: Unlearning.
Step 2: Unlearn to reset your mindset
Limiting beliefs are tricky. They disguise themselves as “truth” and convince us of what we ‘should’ do.
Now that you’ve uncovered a few of yours, it’s time to sort them into two categories: Keep or Let Go.
When you answer those “why” questions honestly, your body and intuition will tell you what to keep or let go. Pay attention to your heart—it tightens when something doesn’t align with your truth.
As my distant mentor Mel Robbins would say, this is the “Let Them” phase—time to let your old limiting beliefs go.
Step 3: Relearn to Reset in Midlife and Thrive
The unlearning stage simplified your belief system—now it’s time to rebuild from a place of authenticity.
Like the previous steps, relearning starts with curiosity and compassion. Ask yourself:
- What makes me happy?
- When do I feel most alive?
- What am I naturally good at?
- Where is my happy place?
- Who do I admire and why?
This is the most exciting part of your midlife reset. In this stage, you start to feel seen, heard, and understood by yourself.
And that clarity? That’s the key to resetting your life in midlife and writing the next, most exciting chapter of your story.
Conclusion
By learning where you are, unlearning what no longer serves you, and relearning who you truly are, you’ll reset your life in midlife—not just to survive this chapter but to thrive in it.
Loneliness can often creep in during the motherhood midlife transition, stirring up uncertainty and self-doubt, making it difficult to reach out for support. The fear of being judged only deepens the isolation, even when surrounded by those we love.
As mothers, this could be one of our most challenging transitions. For years, parenting has been our primary purpose, the heartbeat of our daily lives. But as our children begin to spread their wings, it’s natural to feel a profound sense of loss, uncertainty, and loneliness.
But remember, this transition can be a chance for profound transformation. You’re on the brink of discovering a more fulfilling life. In this article, you’ll find 5 steps to shift your mindset from loneliness to empowering solitude for a happier, more enriched life.
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Preparing for Your Mindset Shift
Before we dive in, let’s start by setting the right environment and your intention:
- Create a calm, distraction-free space where you can be true to yourself.
- Grab a pen and paper.
- Speak to yourself with kindness, as you would with your dearest friend.
- Try to view your life from a bird’s eye view.
- Be open-minded
It’s crucial that you feel seen, heard, and understood by the most important person—YOU! This is the key to transforming loneliness into solitude so you can create the life you REALLY want.
5 Steps to Transform Your Mindset from Loneliness to Solitude
Step 1: Connect with yourself - Find where you are
This step might be challenging because we never learned how to. We tend to hide and distract ourselves to numb our feelings. It’s time to uncover the roots of your loneliness by asking yourself:
- What do you believe is causing your loneliness?
- Who and what makes you feel this way?
- When do you feel lonely? Is there a specific time?
- Have you experienced these feelings in the past?
- How does loneliness manifest physically in your body?
Acknowledge and accept your answers—they are your genuine feelings. Embracing them leads to greater self-compassion and understanding.
Step 2: Accept the Truth
Loneliness can be fuel. Understand that only you have the power to change your feelings of loneliness. Others could offer temporary relief, but the real change must come within yourself. Accepting this truth is a turning point that allows your life to shift positively.
Understand that only you have the power to change your feelings of loneliness. Others could offer temporary relief, but the real change must come within yourself. Accepting this truth allows your life to shift positively.
Step 3: Release your emotions
Once you acknowledge your feelings, you must set them aside temporarily to gain clarity. It’s not easy, but I know you can!
Focus on the facts and write keywords and phrases that help you see your life from a bird’s-eye view. Removing emotions enables you to see a potential solution.
Step 4: Shed your limiting beliefs
The bird’s-eye view reveals the limiting beliefs that trap you, such as thoughts of loneliness. Most often, we’re not aware of our limiting beliefs.
For example, I used to believe I had to prioritize everyone else before myself because I was a mom. This belief made me feel unworthy and lonely. ‘Nobody cared about me,’ was the story I told myself. None of it was true.
Ask yourself, “Is this belief true?” Often, it’s these limiting beliefs that tell our stories. Remember, the time spent in solitude can be your opportunity for growth and reflection. How do you wish to spend this time?
Step 5: Cultivate curiosity - turn loneliness into power
Reconnecting with yourself might take some time, but the key is to approach it with curiosity. Explore these questions to help you rediscover your passions and interests:
- What was your childhood dream?
- What piques your curiosity?
- What skill could enhance your life?
- What truly excites you?
- Who is your ideal self, and how can you become that person?
- What’s something you once thought you couldn’t do?
Do you notice the common thread? It’s all about learning and growing to rediscover and reconnect with yourself. Be curious to find who you truly are! Doesn’t it make you excited?
Conclusion
Navigating loneliness during the pre-empty nest phase can be challenging, but it offers growth opportunities. By following the 5 steps, you can transform loneliness into empowering solitude. Shift your mindset by understanding your current situation, shedding limiting beliefs, and cultivating curiosity. This journey is your chance to reconnect with yourself and unlock your potential. Remember, your mindset shapes your path ahead of you, so believe in yourself & trust your intuition! ❤️
Love & Care 💕
Kumiko
Imagine yourself as a Mother Tree, standing tall and strong with dignity. She’s confident and resilient, and most importantly, she grows freely, expanding her roots and branches without restrictions. Now, picture a bonsai tree, perfect on the surface yet confined, cut off from its true essence.
For years, I lived like that bonsai tree—responding to others' unspoken expectations and feeling stuck in limiting beliefs. Then, I hit the midlife transition and noticed physical changes like wrinkles and gray hair. I was overwhelmed by the fear of aging, the uncertainty of what was ahead, and the judgment of others.
If my story resonates, I’m here to empower you with 5 pearls of wisdom from Mother Trees. Discover how you can thrive like a Mother Tree, from awareness to aspiration in midlife.
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#1. Embrace imperfection like a mother tree
Looking at Mother Trees, you’ll notice broken branches, scars, and unique shapes. These imperfections are what make them beautiful and inspiring.
Let go of the idea of perceived perfectionism because it keeps you trapped in fear. Do you want to spend your life worrying about others’ opinions? Embrace your authenticity because you’re perfect for who you truly are.
#2. Nurture Your Growth
A forest guide once told me that a tree's roots are 2 to 4 times bigger than you see above ground. These roots grow nutrients to help the tree grow and nurture others.
Just like those roots, you need to nourish yourself before nurturing others. Prioritize nurturing your body, mind, and soul to discover your true purpose. There’s a special gift waiting to be uncovered deep within yourself.
#3. Cultivate Resilience as a Mother Tree
A Mother Tree symbolizes resilience. It has overcome challenges like forest fires, droughts, extreme temperatures, etc. With every obstacle, it continues to grow and evolve to become what it is today.
You might have faced life challenges you wish hadn’t happened to you, but these challenges have made you strong. Reflect on your motherhood journey. Don’t you see your patience, flexibility, and remarkable resilience? Trust in your ability - you’re stronger than you think!
#4. Hornor Your Tree Rings
Trees add a new ring to their trunks every year, marking their growth and age. The older the tree, the more wisdom and experience it holds. A Mother Tree stands as a symbol of quiet dignity.
You may sometimes feel unworthy or too old to make a meaningful impact. But as a tree grows each year, you have grown with your children. Your commitment, determination, and consistency have shaped who you are today. Age brings wisdom and the power to inspire and influence others for a better future.
#5. Simplify Like a Mother Tree
A Mother Tree intuitively understands where to focus her energy for optimal growth. She is clear on what resources she needs, chooses where to expand, and skillfully sheds unnecessary branches and leaves to conserve her vitality.
Your midlife transition mirrors this beautiful process. As you navigate menopause, see this as a perfect opportunity to pause and simplify your life. Trust your knowing, let go of the things that no longer serve you, and embrace this phase with confidence and clarity!
Conclusion 🌲🌳🌲
Midlife transitions can feel overwhelming if we continue to live like bonsai trees, focused on external appearances and limited by others’ expectations. Instead, explore your midlife by thriving like a Mother Tree, nurturing your inner growth, and embracing your authenticity.
Remember how you thrive like a mother tree:
- Embrace Imperfection
- Nurture Your Growth
- Cultivate Resilience
- Honour Your Tree Rings (Experience & Wisdom)
- Simplify Your Life
Believe it or not, you’re already a Mother Tree. Hornor the wisdom you’ve nurtured, and grow into your most authentic self. 💕
Many of us women grapple with the fear of going gray. Aging is a natural process, so ideally, it shouldn't stir up feelings of difficulty or apprehension. But why do we dread this natural transition?
Like you, I found myself at a crossroads, debating whether to embrace my gray hair or continue to cover it up. I was bogged down by worries about other people's opinions. On top of that, navigating through menopause felt like being on a never-ending roller coaster. It became clear that I needed a shift in mindset to be at peace with myself; otherwise, I would remain trapped in a cycle of negativity.
In this article, you'll you CAN overcome the fear of going gray and truly embrace it.
Fear of Going gray
Embracing gray hair sounds simple, yet it's anything but. Initially, we might snip or dye our grays, falling into a never-ending cycle of maintenance. Why the resistance to going gray? Often, societal expectations press women to maintain a youthful appearance, viewing gray hair as undesirable. Many women, including those in my family, dye their hair perpetually to conform. Yet, the real challenge lies in accepting aging itself, as we fear stepping out of our comfort zone.
How to OVERCOMe the fear OF GOING GRAY
When I started to truly connect with myself, nature, and the people around me, I felt a profound neurological shift in my mindset. Almost immediately, I began embracing my authentic self and practicing self-kindness. This journey led me to a newfound sense of comfort and, unexpectedly, genuine excitement about transitioning to my natural gray hair. Next, I will show you exactly how I connected with three key aspects.
Myself
- focused on what’s important in my life
- looked inward to find my authentic-self
Nature:
- started backcountry camping – stepped out of my comfort zone!
- spent more time in nature – practiced mindfulness!
Others:
- connected with women who transitioned to embracing their gray hair – truly empowering!
- searched for images of women in gray hair – absolutely inspiring!
What happened Next?
Unexpectedly, other women started complimenting me and inquiring about my process, similar to how I had once sought inspiration from women who wore their gray hair with pride. This led to an intriguing revelation: my assumptions about others' reactions were completely wrong!
In fact, several of my students even thought my gray hair was an intentional highlight, viewing it as something cool and trendy.
This journey has underscored a powerful truth: often, we are our own greatest adversaries. It's important to ponder the impact we can have on other women and future generations. The choices we make can indeed pave the way for a more accepting and empowering world!
Love & Care 💕
Kumiko
